3 years runnin'

So I think it's safe to say that I've learned quite a bit about myself  over the past three years.  Many trials I've been through, whether they've been self inflicted or not, have made me who I am today.  It's hard to encapsulate all of my learning's into one post.  But here are my top ten things I've learned, in no particular order.

1. Experience is the best teacher.
2. Life goes on.
3. Time heals all wounds.
4. Friends come and go, family is forever.
5. Realize what is most important to you.
6. Never change yourself to fit someone else's perfect.
7. Laugh at the small things that irritate you.
8. Be positive. All the time. (Easier said than done)
9. Be happy. You can CHOOSE to be happy.
10. Most importantly, be kind.

So some of these might be redundant, but that's ok.  I guess what I've learned is, make sure the things I am doing in my life make me a happy, kind, and compassionate person.  There are things that I CANNOT control. I can't control other's actions, thoughts, or feelings. But I CAN control my own.  I firmly believe that if you stay positive, you will get through many things in your life that are hard, frustrating, or depressing.  Now, I'm not saying you can't have your moments of sadness or you can't ever cry. We're all human here. But what I am saying is, make sure your over-all outlook is positive. Look at the big picture. Ask yourself, "Is there a lesson I'm suppose to be learning right now?", once you look at the bigger picture, it's easier to get through what ever you're going through. 

Another thing that I struggle with is the "What if...." This again, is something I can't control. "Well, what if I would've done that that" "What if I could've changed it" "What if I would've said something" "What if he doesn't like me now" "What if she would have done that". All these what if's can drive a person crazy. Especially if you have an over-analytical brain like mine.  When my mind gets into overdrive with all of these ,"What if's", I literally have to take a deep breath and stop myself. I also have to remember and realize I can't control other peoples actions, therefore, all these what if's are just a time consuming, stress bomb, problem that I'm creating in my own head. 

So I'm not quite sure if this post even makes sense. But maybe some of you can relate. If you can, we should all talk about it. Haha

Until next time,
Nichole

Hope in Heartbreak

Some of you may know, I recently became unengaged to my fiance.  It was a shock to me and I think I am still in shock. It's crazy spending a year of your life with someone, planning your life with their's and the BAM it's over very suddenly, and kind of out of left field. The emotions you feel are widely ranged. From sadness, anger, heartbreak, and feeling totally crushed.  It makes your heart literally hurt. 

I know I'm not the first person to go through this, and I won't be the last. It's hard getting use to the idea of not seeing your dear friend every day.  Stopping your almost finished wedding plans and continuing on with life.  But you have to. You have no option. This is why I am forever and eternally grateful for my family and friends that have reached out to me in my time of need. When I came home that Sunday night sobbing, my parents came running down the hall to help me. My dad encircled me with his arms and helped me to my room since my legs were like jello from the shock.  My parents sat there with me while I just cried.  They offered loving words and kindness. 
I am so happy that I have brothers who try and cheer me up. I love everyone of them.
I am grateful for the inspiration of my Bishop. He texted me right when all of this was going on asking if I was ok.  I consider this a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father.
I had my good friends call me that night, (and it was well past midnight) to see if they could help or just listen to me cry.
The next day I recieved four bouqets of flowers and some icecream. If that doesn't cheer you up, I don't know what will.
Then all of  the kind messages I received on Facebook from people who care about me.  I'll insert a few to show you some examples.

“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy…….so, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re AMAZING. They just have to wait for the right guy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree….”


"I love you like a little sister. I can say I felt a real similar pain and it is the worst, a broken heart is the worst pain I have ever felt. I didn't know why I had to go through that pain and you won't either, but just know you will grow from this and you will end up happier than ever believe me because I didn't think I could find a greater man until I met Brad. You will realize maybe why he wasn't the best for you. Heavenly Father knows us better than anyone. I love you to death and hate to see you hurt!"


"Just want to let you know i'm thinking of you, Hope your doing well. Love you cute girl : )"

These just a FEW examples of what has been said to me. I couldn't be more grateful. My heart is truly full of gratitude.

In the midst of all this, there is my Savior. Who is always there. I imagine him sitting by me while I'm crying, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder saying "I know how you feel, it will get better, put your trust in me."  I just need to have hope and faith that everything will work out.

"Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance... When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps conquer discouragement."

I hope I can exemplify this quote by staying positive and being patient.  I don't know why this trial is in my life right now, but I can't wait to see what comes from it. I just wish there was a fastforward button to get away from the pain. haha.

I feel no ill-will towards my ex-fiance and truly do wish him the best in his life.

Again, thank you so much to all of you that have reached out to me. I have had moments of complete peace and also moments of crushing hurt. I think the sting will be here for awhile, but I will overcome it. Please continue to help me through this, and help me stay positive.  I know I will have good and bad days. I just hope the good will out-weigh the bad. I'll have to get use to my left hand feeling a little  lighter, but I will always know, I am one lucky girl.

Love always,
Nichole

If you would like to watch an amazing video on hope, click this link, you won't be dissapointed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbsU3b2srQA

Late night blog?

My blog has been neglected for some time now. I usually don't write a post unless I have a sudden burst of spontanteous thinking and want to write it out, so it can make more sense.  Well at least to me.  But tonight I'm not really in that mood. I just feel like writing. Ok maybe I am in the mood. Who knows. Is this post really random? Yes.  I guess I can write about things I need to improve on. That'd be good right? Admit my problems. Hello, my name is Nichole. I  have a problems with being selfish, jealous, and insecure. Although I feel like I have improved a little on these things I wish I could conquer them.

For example, selfish;  I am a selfish person. I  generally think about my own comfort rather than stepping out of my comfort zone and helping people out. Such as my family. I put up a fight whenever they ask me to do something and I don't want to. What gives me that right? I owe them for every good thing I am now. I am working very hard to have a better attitude towards them and think about them more often.

Jealousy. For some reason I am a very jealous person. I even wrote a poem about jealousy. Cool huh? But that's beside the point. I get jealous when guys talk about girls that aren't me. How dumb does that sound? Wow, way dumb. It may just be a girl thing. Like when you know a boy likes you but they nonchalantly talk about an old girlfriend or something. The green monster of jealousy is right there sitting on my lap.  I think this leads me to my next thing I want to improve on, insecurities.

I am confident in many things I do.  But sometimes I feel so insecure I  just want to run home and stay in my room. This usually occurs when I am in large groups. Weird right? I think it's because I want people to like me. And if I think they don't I feel really bad.

Geez I'm a weird person. But I'm ok with that. Ha. I don't think I should post this late at night.  But if any on you have any suggestions on how to help me improve with any of these things, lemme know. Until then..

Nichole :)

I'm usually not one for sap.

Usually I'm not one for sap. Or sappy stories or chick flicks or mushy interactions between people. Frankly, some girls just drive me nuts with their desire for affection or a boyfriend.  Sometimes I wonder if they really know what real "love" is. I don't think being in love means going on two dates with someone and saying you love them.  Nor do I believe that love is always going to be hearts and glitter.  Love is a process. If you love someone then you love them through thick and thin. You love them even when they do things that annoy you.  You can get in fights and recover from them, because you have an underlying love and care for the other person.
I think love occurs when you truly care more about the other person than your own self.  You want the best for them and you want to be the best you for them as well.  I wish people would understand this.  I think that if  people would understand this, many more marriages and relationships would last.  You and your partner wouldn't get in one fight and then call it good. 
So one might ask, why is this one my mind?
Am I trying to be hopeless romantic? (maybe)
Or is my subconcious trying to tell me something?

For me I don't believe that there is just "the one" that is out there waiting for you.  I think that there are many people out there you can be compatable with and can live a happy life. 

But what if one person is ALWAYS on your mind no matter what you do or who you date.  The one persons name is always in your mind.  And it just feels so right, you would do anything to give your relationship a chance.

But then again what if this one person doesn't feel the same way about me?
Is this a hopeless case?

It's hard knowing you love someone with your whole heart and not knowing how they feel about you. 

What if they don't like you anymore or don't feel the same way.  That might be the hardest part for some people. Letting go of someone they have set their whole heart on, and then having to moving on.  It's scary and hard.
But then again, what if they do feel the same way but you just have to wait to find out what is going to happen.  That's the problem with the future.  It's very unpredictable. 

But what if someone else walks into your life and shatters all the plans you made? Because that person is perfect for you too? That idea kind of freaks me out.

But for me, I'm going to pull out all the stops.  I'm not giving up until all my resources have been used.

This post if full of many "What ifs". I hate "What ifs".

Well future, I'm ready for you.

There is my extremely sappy, dramatic, teenager post. I'll try to keep these to a minimal. Thanks for reading :) And hopefully you understand it. Haha

xoxo,
Nichole

Observation

So I am going into Elementary Education at UVU. In order to get into the program, we have to take prerequisite classes. My first prereque class, I was to observe a classroom for 20 hours. I decided it would be AWESOME to observe my first/second grade teacher, Ms. Sutton. This lady is my underlying inspiration to become a teacher. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to teach because of her.  She is so kind and genuinely loves her kids, or her "babies" as she calls them. 
As I observed her classroom I fell in love with all the kids. They are SO honest when they talk to you. Here are some quotes from the cuties:

"Man, that play was worse than sacrament meeting."

A boy comes up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and says "You look really happy."

My hair was flipped weird one day when I walked in. A little girl tells me, "Oh, you  didn't brush your hair today, here I will help you." She smoothed out my rouge hair strand.

"OH! My brother is a computer genius! He just gets on the computer after school and types way fast."

"I can't marry you, we're cousins."

"One time I felt bad because someone called me a 'tally'."

One day Ms. Sutton said "You guys are making fun of my drawing?" Many of the children responded with, "I love it Ms. Sutton" and "Ms. Sutton you are awesome!" The kids just love her. 

These are only a few and I wish you could've heard them in real life. They were never mean, just sincere in their thoughts.

Today was the last day of my observing and when Ms. Sutton told all the kids to say goodbye, every single one of them came and gave me the greatest hugs ever and said they were really going to miss me. Awe I love them!
This reinforced why I want to be a teacher. Not only to teach kids about math, english, science etc.. But to teach them how to be good people, and they teacher me how to be a better person as well. Their sweet and innocent faces are so adorable. And I can't wait to have my very own classroom one day. :)

Dreamin is as Dreamin does.

Dreams are so crazy. I think dreams tell us what we really want. Except what is a dream? I found a definition on Wikipedia.

--->Dreams: are a succession of images, ideas, emotions and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. The content and purpose of dreams are not yet understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history. The scientific study of dreams is known as oneirology.

So, when you're dreaming, you have no control over what  your dream is about. You can't change anything that's going on. Does this mean that dreams tell you what you really want? Is it your subconcious telling you/helping you make a decision? OR are dreams just there for you to be entertained while you sleep and have not meaning at all?

I'm not quite sure. Because recently, I have had dreams about things that have happened to me. Only the situation I am in is warped by my mind and there are key things that are different or a different emotion or idea that comes to my head. Is this my "concious" trying to tell me something? GAH, I don't know. Maybe I'm look to far into dreams. Hmm. Well until I can figure it out, just keep dreaming on.

Journey Through Life

Sometimes I wonder why life is so hard. But then I count my blessings and realize it isn't that hard if you keep the right persepective and loved ones in your life.  I look back at the mistakes I've made and am so grateful for the people there who know it or not, have helped me through. I am also so grateful for the atoning love of our Savior. I don't know where I would be without his loving guidance and even the tough love he shows me. Recently I have realized how truely blessed I am to have the gospel in my life. The blessings and hope it brings to my life is insurmountable. And I still don't think I realize the amount blessings I can receive through it.  
When you are at your lowest lows in life and feel like no can understand you, you're wrong. Your Savior, Jesus Christ is there with you every step of the way if you will let him be there. I think this is THE most important thing I have come to realize in my 19 years of living. That is a long time to finally realize, but I am sure glad I did.  
I hope I can remember this fact when the hard times hit me because I know they are coming or else this wouldn't be considered life.