Power of Prayer

“Be assured that there is a safe harbor. You can find peace amidst the storms that threaten you. Your Heavenly Father—who knows when even a sparrow falls—knows of your heartache and suffering. He loves you and wants the best for you. Never doubt this. While He allows all of us to make choices that may not always be for our own or even others’ well-being, and while He does not always intervene in the course of events, He has promised the faithful peace even in their trials and tribulations.”

—Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Finding a Safe Harbor,” Ensign, May 2000, 59

I feel like this quote is spot on to how I have been feeling lately. This is much more of a spiritual post than anything. For the past few months I have been feeling down for the majority of the time. Were there times where I felt better than other days? Yes. Yes there were. But overall I felt like there was this storm cloud hanging above my head, threatening to start a downpour. At times, it did, and I pitied myself in the torrential downpour. Letting myself become cold, wet, and miserable. I didn't bother to find an "umbrella" or a "warm place to wait it out". I just sat there. Now of course this is a metaphorical rain cloud. To me, it represents my mortal self battling against my spiritual self. The cloud started forming as soon as I stopped praying/consulting my Heavenly Father on a regular basis. This led to self-pitying thoughts, and of course the ever common "why me" type thinking. The more and more these thoughts came into my mind, the more the cloud grew. The more I didn't even want to pray, go to church, or read my scriptures. Now, I know there are some people who may read this and think I should be able to be happy without these things. That spiritual things, even religion is really just a bunch of hogwash. I would say to those people, "That is just fine to feel that way, but to me, my religion, my spirituality, is the core of who I am. Without it, I become a person whom I am not pleased with. A person who is less serviceable, less kind, and less forgiving." That's not to say I became, for lack of a better word, a "Scrouge." But I'm definitely wasn't who I knew I could be. The point is, I was making that choice to become that person. Lovely thing agency is, right? I became so self-pitying that I thought Heavenly Father didn't even care if I prayed to him or not. It didn't matter. I definitely became more bitter. I felt sad and lost. I of course, then started questioning the trials that stood before me. Both trials that I had made for myself, and the choices of close people around me that hurt me. 

“Be assured that there is a safe harbor. You can find peace amidst the storms that threaten you. Your Heavenly Father—who knows when even a sparrow falls—knows of your heartache and suffering. He loves you and wants the best for you. Never doubt this. While He allows all of us to make choices that may not always be for our own or even others’ well-being, and while He does not always intervene in the course of events, He has promised the faithful peace even in their trials and tribulations.”

—Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Finding a Safe Harbor,” Ensign, May 2000, 59

Finally one day, I was sick of this self-inflicted storm I had created for myself. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself, I was sick of not talking with my Heavenly Father.  I felt like I literally had to force myself to pray. It was not a fabulous prayer, nor was it lengthy. But I had prayed! Wahoo! I had prayed and I felt good. I could see just the tiniest bit of light creeping through my storm cloud. As I continued to pray (when I would remember, darn those habits!) I continued to feel warmer. I continued to feel happier.  I felt the love I had been blocking, break through and radiate within me. 

“Every person who comes to earth is a spirit son or daughter of God. Since all love emanates from God, we are born with the capacity and the desire to love and to be loved. One of the strongest connections we have with our premortal life is how much our Father and Jesus loved us and how much we loved Them. Even though a veil was drawn over our memory, whenever we sense true love, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied.”

—John H. Groberg, "The Power of God's Love," Ensign, Nov. 2004, 9

I guess the point in my writing this is to testify of the power of prayer. Prayer, at least for me, gives me that connection between my loving Heavenly Father I truly need in my life. I need someone who understands me completely, to listen to me. Especially through the trials, whether they be big or small. I hope, if you are still reading this, that if you feel distant from your Heavenly Father, or if your storm cloud has turned into a hurricane, you consider prayer. Even if you feel you are not worthy (trust me, I have felt that way), if you feel like no one is listening, or if it feels like it's your last option. Pray. Not just once and call it quits, pray every day for a week. See if something in your life changes, or if your burden is lightened. I believe it will be. 

I love all of you who read this! 

-Nichole

Birthday as a Teacher

Wow talk about long time, no blogging. I felt like blogging today because I feel extremely blessed and grateful. Today is my birthday. While I do love the celebration and gifts that are given, I love even more how grateful my birthday makes me feel. So many people that I love wishing me happy birthday. It truly makes me realize how good I have it.
This morning when my students came in, or should I say came running in, they came right up to my desk and started "showering" (tossing) their gifts they had gotten at me. It was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. One of my sweet students gave me an individual applesauce cup, that I'm sure was from her home lunch, a girl handed me a present and when I opened it, it was a drawing of a orca whale, one boy made me a pop up card. Let's not forget all the chocolate that I received today. While some of these gifts may seem silly, I will treasure them always. I am so grateful for my class. I didn't know it was possible to love 26 adorable, slightly annoying, hilarious, and thoughtful kids.
I feel like one of the best gifts I received today wasn't even tangible. A boy who had hall monitor duty came in after recess was over and the rest of the class was at specialties and just sat and talked with me. He has had a rough year with various things to deal with. One thing I've noticed and admired about him, is his positive attitude. I've never heard him complain about his situation once. As he sat talking to me about things he had gone through, I realized his is wise beyond his years. I'm so grateful for that short 20 mins I was able to talk with him one on one and really listen to what he had to say. Could I have been doing other things such as sub plans, or preparing for the next week? Sure. But I wouldn't have traded that for anything. I guess what I realized is, teachers are usually the ones who you remember for a lifetime. But now being a teacher, I realize there will be students you will remember for a lifetime.
I love all of my students very dearly. Even the nose pickers. I hope that I have left a positive mark in their minds, just like they have left in mine. What a wonderful birthday!

Grateful.

I've wanted to write this post for awhile. It was just hard for me to wrap my head around all of my thoughts. This month is going to bring a lot of change for me. I graduate tomorrow, May 2nd, I then get married on May 23rd (if you want an invite, click this link and fill out the form https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1QfZ7xqIY8VcBHhrR1FQ3fLVQs4iNK_rmI4FlPzTsHls/viewform ). Then I start my first teaching job in August. As I reflect back on my life, and where I am now, I can't help but have a heart full of love and gratitude. I look at all the people who have blessed my life, and whether they know it or not, have helped to get me where I am today.

As I look at my experience through college, there is no way I would be graduating today if it weren't for my parents. Starting with them giving me a good foundation and teaching how to work, how to stay driven, and not to give up. They have helped me through college by letting me stay in their home rent free (thanks for not kicking me out ;) ) And supporting me every step of the way. I am forever grateful that I was able to grow up in a home where my parents supported me and gave me all they could. They've taught me so many lessons, even though some of them were hard to learn. I feel like I would not be the person I am today had it not been for my parents. I love them so much.

I am also so grateful that I have the opportunity to get married this month, to Jeremy. I wish you guys could feel in my heart how grateful I am for him. He is the most loving, caring, and kind person. We've had our ups and downs through our dating, but I know that he is the right guy for me. I am so blessed marry him and start my life with him.

I am also so grateful for my friends. I am so blessed to have some really great close friends. I know without these friends, my path in life would be completely different. I'm so grateful my friends love me no matter what, no matter how long we haven't seen each other, and no matter what stupid decisions I make. My heart is full of gratitude for them.

I had a bridal shower last night, and as my guests came, I couldn't help but feel so loved. I was so thankful for every person that walked through the door. I couldn't believe that that many people cared about me to come support me. It was truly an amazing feeling. From young women leaders, to friends, to relatives who took time out of their day to come and see me. Wow, it was awesome.

The past few months I have been somewhat focused on how scary this world seems to be becoming. Wars, crime, murders, and just plain crazy things that seem to be getting worse and worse. But reflecting on all these good things in my life, I realize that there IS so much good still. So much. So much love, so much kindness, and so much caring. How wonderful is that to realize? Heavenly Father truly is looking over each and everyone of us. He wants us to be happy. I just think of how great that is.

My heart is full. I want to thank everyone in my life that has gotten me to where I am today. I am blessed.

Chile Missionary

If you couldn't have guessed from my recent posts to social media, my brother Mason has begun to serve a mission. He is serving in the Vina del Mar, Chile mission. Pretty crazy right? I'm going to have a Spanish speaking compadre. I feel like that will come in handy. Guys, sending a sibling off on a mission is hard. It's hard because you want to be selfish and keep your sibling with you, but you know they are doing what's right and what is asked of them. It's a weird feeling. For the week prior to Mason leaving I was already feeling anxious about it. I had cried like 5 times already, including a wonderful performance of a laugh/cry/almost sob experience I had the weekend before he left. It was wonderful ;) I  think what makes it hard is the actual anticipation. The waiting. I heard somewhere once that it's not the days or hours before that makes the waiting hard, it's the mere minutes and seconds before that make you feel really anxious. This was pretty true.

Mason and I have a great relationship and I'm pretty sure we are they only two people in the world that understand each other's humor 100%. Or we can automatically think of what the other person is quoting in their mind from a movie, or really just being super weird. It's a great relationship to share. We have grown to be best friends. So needless to say, it was incredibly hard to have to say goodbye to my friend for two years. That's what I kept thinking about, two whole years without Mason sitting next to me laughing. The anticipation was killing me.

Finally the day came to drop him off at the airport. We had to wake up at 4 a.m. to leave by 5, and be at the airport by 6. Earrrrrrly! Well, good news, we made it on time. That is a huge accomplishment for the Barton family. We all went to check in his bags, and then it was time to say goodbye. Ah man, the mere seconds. I remember as we were walking over to security, Mason said "No crying, I mean it." in my mind I thought "Yeah, that ain't gonna happen." But I tried to pull it together nonetheless. I was doing really well for about 10 seconds. But when he turned to hug me, tears started streaming. I kept apologizing, I was really happy and really sad(selfish) that he was leaving. After saying goodbye to everyone he got in line for security and was off! Just like that. Gone to Chile for two years.

These two years are going to change his life. I know because that's what it did for my older brother Trevor. I'm so excited to get letters from Mason, and here of his progress. I can't wait for him to grow and be shaped into a man.

I know this church is true. I wouldn't be able to send my brothers off on missions if I didn't. I'm so grateful to have the knowledge of eternal families and the blessings that come with that knowledge. Mason  will do wonderful things :) I love my family.

Ah! Look how cute he is! 

See ya in two!

Nichole

P.S. if you want to keep updated on Mason, his blog is http://masonbarton.blogspot.com/

The Fear Factor

Hello everyone! I'm happy you are reading my blog, just so you know.

So this post has stemmed from something I've had somewhat of an epiphany over. That is my own 'fear factor'. Fear is a very powerful thing, it can make us do crazy things. I will list some of my fears for you.

1. Zombies (literally I cannot watch a zombie movie)
2. Spiders
3. Heights
4. Dark murky water
5. Being abducted

Some of these fears may be laughable but, they are fears nonetheless. So I feel like these are 'obvious' fears of things we automatically think of when someone asks us what we are scared of.

One, I really didn't realize until recently was taking risks. Guys, risks are scary! They are the 'unknown'. Unknown is a really fearful place where you have to put your trust. Now, I don't know about you but, I don't like trusting something that I'm not sure will work out.

I've recently had to break out of my shell and take these risks for things that I love, but have been scared of the risk involved.

Now I think the first one is obvious since I post about it all the time and have become some what obsessive over it. That is my motorcycle, Pancake. This was a risk for me to purchase. At the time, I didn't know a whole deal about motorcycle. The one thing I was sure of is that I LOVED riding. These are some of the thoughts that ran through my head when I was thinking about getting a bike, "WAY too much money, I need to save for school." "Who will I ride with?" "How will I transport my bike?" "I have to get gear which costs even more money." "Will I end up having to sell it?" "I am I too old to start riding?" (Granted I am only 21, but most riders start when they were kids), plus a plethora of more. I was also intimated about what other people would think of me. How sad is that? Literally think about it. Why in the world would you let what some else thinks of you, stop you from doing something you LOVE? As I thought about it more and more, I realized how insane that way of living is. While I think we should always be courteous and respect what other people think, we should not let that dictate our lives. In the end, I purchased Pancake and have loved my decisions ever since. I've improved a lot and have many scars to prove it. But the point is, I let go of my fears and did something I loved.

My next one might come as a surprise. A little known fact about me is, I LOVE to sing. I've always admired people who have angelic voices and can bring me chills. I love to sing in my car, my room, while cleaning, and of course, in the shower. It brings me such joy. Now my boyfriend Jeremy had told me that he really thinks I have potential and should take some voice lessons because it would help me get over my fear of singing for others. At first, my response was, "HAHAHA, YEAH RIGHT!". I was terrified at the thought. I was too old to start lessons. You have to start when you are little or have a miraculous talent. I was scared of what others would think of me. I was scared of being judged for my voice. I thought that I would be so horrible, my voice teacher would lose hope in me. But as I got to thinking about it, I really did want to take a few lessons. Why not? I would take private lessons so only my teacher and I would hear the trembling in my voice. Guess what guys? My voice teacher recommended GROUP lessons. She said it would be beneficial for me to hear others applying the techniques she taught. So low and behold, I found myself about a month later sitting in a class with about 8 students total. "Oh heavens, what am I doing here?". As it turns out, most everyone in my class were beginners as well.

As of now, I have been taking voice lessons for four whole months! Wahoo! Go me! I enjoy it so much. I leave after each lesson with my heart feeling lighter because I am doing something I LOVE and that brings me happiness. So I recently had a recital (I ditched out on my first one because of nerves.) Let me tell you, the nerves didn't go away for this recital. I forgot words here and there, and was off tune for some of my performance, but I DID IT! I sang in front of people. Was it scary? You bet! Almost as scary as watching a zombie movie. The point is, I took a risk, and over came the challenge. I was so proud of myself.

I guess if there is anything I would want someone to take away from this blog post is, do not let FEAR stand in the way of doing something you LOVE. Take that risk, accept the challenge, be nervous about it, then overcome it. Don't let what someone else thinks get in the way of you becoming the person you want to become. My challenge to you is, do that think you've been holding back on because of the risk. You got it!

Two of my favorite quotes I've come across are,

"Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one started off as an expert."

"Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice." Will Smith (After Earth)

So go get 'em tiger!

XOXO,
Nichole

Song I've been loving? Katy Perry, Roar.

Pancake.

Ok so I know some of you are really sick of seeing me post stuff about my bike. But guess what guys? I'm just way too excited about it still, to no post! Guys, I bought a motorcycle. Just let that sink in for a sec... Could anyone imagine I would do such a thing? I coudn't until recently. Jer introduced me to riding last summer, and I fell in love with it. It's super freeing and fun and scary. It's a challenge to overcome and you can always improve. My new favorite saying is "If you ain't crashing, you ain't learning." I crash a lot.

Anyway, this is Pancake, my beautiful Kawasaki 250f. She's an 2004. I love her. This is the day I purchased her. Now now now, before we get too carried away, and think Nichole is crazy and just went out and bought any old motorcycle she pleased, you're wrong. I had my trusty mechanic Jeremy come along with me to test out the bike before I bought it. Since, lets be honest, I know nothing about the mechanics of a bike. Except good news, I'm learning. I now kinda know how to change my oil filter, put the coolant stuff in it, fill it up with gas (as long as my gas can works), screw in the screws, and stuff like that. Hey, I'm practically an expert! ;)

 So Jer is kind enough to let me borrow all his spare gear when we go riding. So maybe I didn't think that part through when I bought the bike... But, I now have my own knee guards, elbow guards, and a really big jersey. So hey, I'm getting there. I am also accepting donations.

I think this was my first ride on Pancake ever. We went up Pole Haven. It was so great to ride my own bike and not be worried about breaking someone else's.

 Brock was even able to come with us on a ride. He rode Jer's cute little 100. I called my bike Mamacakes and Brocks bike babycakes on that ride. Cute huh? Side note, Brock freaking rocked! This was his first legitimate motorcycle ride and he was amazing! I was a little put out on how well he did because I did horrible my very first ride. But hey I gotta hand it to him, he has no fear. But I'm still cooler than him ;)

 This is one of our more recent rides. Do you like my flowing hair? I do. I wore a bandanna under my helmet and it sure did help the frizz factor.

 Look at me and Jade! She came riding with us too! I wish I was as good as her! Pink and Blue power rangers baby! She is so beautiful. Love my Jadey!

This is just another selfie of Pancake. 

Wanna hear about my some of my crashes? Ok. Well one time we were out on the west side of Utah lake and I was going into this corner. But I got a little nervous and went up on the berm and hit my front brake to hard so I crashed. Except I whipped my head into the ground and I'm pretty sure I got a minor concussion from that. Helmets rule people.
Another one, is actually when I went on the ride with Brock. He was doing really well and was ahead of me so I was going fast to catch up with him. I went into a corner too fast and crashed and sprained my thumb. That was probably the most painful crash. My thumb is still not what is should be, but it's getting better.
The most recent crash is when I was going really fast on this dirt road. But bad news, I didn't see the little baby woops ahead, so I hit those lost my balance and crashed. I made a dirt mushroom cloud on that one. I just got this gash thing on my leg but good news, my dad has duoderm and it healed up quite nicely.

Good thing I wear all of my protective gear, right?

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

Nichole-xoxo

This is the song I'm obsessed with right now. Enjoy!

The Crash of the Ironman

Disclaimer, I'm a really sporadic blogger. So, I'm going to catch you guys up on a few things. I shall start with this post being about my dads bike crash he had a little while ago. First off, we should all remember that my dad had a full knee replacement surgery in February I believe. So he was just feeling good and getting into his biking again. Second off, we should know that my dad has been known to say "One day when I' m 70 I'm going to be riding on my bike and someone is going to be texting and take me out." Comforting, eh?

So I was at work on a Friday when my dad left work a little bit early to go on a bike ride. Since it was a Friday there were very few people at the office, so it wasn't too busy. About an hour and a half after my dad left, I get a call from my mom and right off the bat she says "Did you hear what happened to dad?!" Initial reaction, my heart sank somewhere down to my feet, second, that love phrase my dad loves to say went racing through my mind. A million things were going through my mind. I said "No, is he ok?" my mom then proceeded to tell my that my dad had been in a bike accident and the ambulance had to be called. She was at Costco buying my dad his birthday present when she got the call from Mason who got the call from our home teacher, who was on the ride with my dad. Through the game of telephone, not much information was related. I hung up with my mom and immediately went to find our home teachers number so I could call him and get more accurate information. Meanwhile, the tears are already flowing for me. I was able to look up Ryan's number and give him a call. He told my they were all riding in a pace line and the guy in front accidentally hit a pot hole of some sort and went down, which made my dad basically t-bone him since he was right behind the guy. This launched him in the air and he came down on his head and shoulder and landed on his back. He told me that he thought something was wrong with my dads back and blood was coming out of both ears. All I knew was when blood comes out of the ears in the movies, things aren't good. I started to lose it on the phone. But Ryan told me everything was going to be ok, but to bring consecrated oil when I came down to the hospital in Payson. I hung up and called my mom back and told her what I had found out. After that I was in a mad scramble to find some oil. Finally I gave up and called Jeremy and asked him if he had any since his office is right off the Springville exit. He was able to find some, and I blazed a trail to go and grab it and then continue on to the hospital. Let me tell you, that was the longest drive of my life. I felt like everyone was obeying the speed limit and it was driving me nuts. I was able to stop off grab the oil then continue down to the hospital. I was crying the whole way down, imagining my life without my dad. Let me tell you, it was one of the worst things to experience. I needed to see/hear my dad before I could be comforted that he was going to be alright.

I finally, finally, FINALLY was able to get to the hospital where I met up with my mom and some of the guys on my dads ride. I was so relieved to have been told that my dad was talking and being his stubborn self. I remember just hugging my mom and crying with the sweet sweet relief. I wasn't able to see my dad at the Payson hospital because he was transferred to the Provo hospital right when I got there. They wanted to life flight him, but my dad being stubborn told them no way Jose! Because it would take the same amount of time whether to be flown or driven.

So we all got to the Provo hospital where my dad got stitched up in the ER and put on a lot of pain meds. Are we ready for the injury count?

5 broken ribs
Ear split open
Fractured vertebra
Separated shoulder
Broken wrist

Not too shabby for one wreck, huh?
The guy who went down in front of him had a separated shoulder as well as a concussion and major road rash. Luckily for us, everyone was going to be ok. My dad had to spend his birthday in the hospital, which was pretty unlucky. But after five days in there, he was able to be released! Wahoo! Recovery is going pretty well, in fact, he has actually been on his bike a few times. You can't stop and Ironman. All I know is, I sure do love my dad. With all my heart, and I'm glad he's ok. I am also so grateful of all the concerned family and friends who were willing to drop anything in our time of need. Our home teacher, Ryan especially went above and beyond taking care of us. As well as Ryan Fish, Kyle Marshall, Rob Franks, and everyone else I'm missing. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Nice stitching job, Trauma Tom!

Pain meds and stitches. 

Ryan and Ryan stopping by for a visit. 

Kyle stopping by to see my dad. 

They're pretty worn out. 

True brotherhood. 

Grandpa talking with my dad. 

Grandma taking care of my dad. So great. 

My favorite aunt Dawn!

Love.

Reading Jechelles hilarious poem she wrote my dad on Fbook. He was trying not to laugh because it hurt his ribs. Classic. 

Brigder Paul. 

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Grandma and Grandpa leaving.